Sunday, 23 April 2017

When Celebrities Attack...


That's Chris Evans, the guy who plays 'Captain America', forgetting that he just plays 'Captain America'...

Yum, Sounds Delicious!


Spotted at my local boot sale. Well, it's almost right..!

Sunday Funnies...

It's not going to be that different, then...?

Saturday, 22 April 2017

How To Get Publicity 101...



Packham’s latest venture is the design of a range of free to download T-shirt motifs including ‘Killing Wildlife for Fun is a Dying Business’ and ‘Safer in Outer Space’, which relates to the declining tiger population.
“I doubt whether there is a single safe enclave on earth for the tiger,” he explains.
Maybe we should spend all that vast sum of charitable cash to send the last few to the moon”.
...say something so daft the media just has to advertise your latest money-making scheme. Lesson over.
He is, however, confident that is it only ‘a matter of time’ before the mistreatment of animals comes to an end – and he won’t stop until it does.
“I feel positive and optimistic at the moment, as I feel we’re making progress more rapidly. I want to make a small difference before I die, we can’t rest until everything is sorted.”
The 'small difference' being to his bank balance, as is the reference to getting everything 'sorted'...

Nope, Doesn't Pass Close Examination...

Dad-of-three Paul said. “He’s a lucky, lucky boy. He was shaken up more than anything.”
But he added that had the lollipop lady still been in place, the accident would not have happened.
He said: “It’s a main road through Dagenham, and a lot of cars would see the yellow sign and stop.
“She was there for three years, and I don’t think a child has been hit in that time.
Well, a child, no, but....the name of the road rang a bell!
“She was good at her job, and all the children liked her.”
And if she'd been on duty then.... wait, where was he hit, again?
Paul Donnelly’s son Brendan was knocked down as he used a pelican crossing at Wood Lane, Dagenham, at around 3.30pm on Friday.
Ummm....
“He’s been told to cross with his mum,” Paul explained.
“She’d gone to cross, and a girl that was behind him got hold of his arm.
By the time he got away, or the girl let him go, the car was there.”
And, one presumes, the red 'do not cross' sign was up. What was mum doing, I wonder? Engrossed in her mobile, perchance?
Paul explained that the driver of the car was only going at 30mph, the road’s speed limit, and stopped at the scene to make sure Brendan was alright.
My sympathies are purely for the driver.

Friday, 21 April 2017

What 'Rumours' Could Possibly Be Worse Than The Reality?

Ms James has been targeted by trolls who have spread rumours about her daughter - but she said she hopes her friends and family will remember the “beautiful, smiley girl” she was.
She added: “We have had trolls among all the wonderful lovely people with nice things to say about her. But she was just a teenager who ended up in the wrong place with the wrong crowd at the wrong time.
“Her death has affected so many people.
“I miss her beautiful face and her beautiful smile. She was just amazing.”
And how did this 'amazing' girl die?
Sam James, of New Waverley Road, Basildon, told the Echo she is still feeling “completely broken” seven months after her 15-year-old daughter Sherie-Lea James died.
The Billericay School pupil was rushed to Basildon Hospital in the early hours of September 1 after being taken ill at a house party in South Ockendon. She died after suffering several cardiac arrests in the ambulance.
An inquest into her death has now been opened with a preliminary cause of death given as MDMA intoxication.
**sighs

How Long..?!?

Mr Thomas told the court: “The incident happened on November 24 last year at Mr Gardiner’s property in Llanllwch.
“The complainant, Simon Morris, had been there previously and was aware of the dog - a Weimeraner.
“The dog was not on any Royal Mail list of dogs for postmen to be aware of.” The court heard Mr Morris had gone to the back door of the property to deliver a parcel. It was then that the 10 year-old dog, named Travis, ran out in front of Mr Gardiner who was going to greet the postman.
Mr Thomas said Mr Morris tried to fend off the dog hitting it with letters he was holding.
Ah, that 'postman attacked by dog' story is such a beloved one of local newspapers...
“Mr Gardiner was shouting for the dog to come away and it was then that it bit the left forearm of Mr Morris.”
Mr Gardiner took hold of Travis and immediately apologised to the postman - offering a hot drink and bandaging the wound.
A sensible, properly apologetic owner! Wonders will never cease!
At hospital Mr Morris was treated for the puncture wound and was off work for five weeks, along with follow up care.
Wait, what? Five weeks? I only took one week off when I broke my arm!

Are we sure this was a Weimeraner, and not a great white shark?

Thursday, 20 April 2017

Telling It Like It Is...

New powers to move on travellers and rough sleepers have been dubbed “ethnic cleansing” by campaigners.
Protesters called on Brighton and Hove City Council to revoke the new Public Space Protection Orders (PSPOs), which have only been enforced in the city since Saturday.
Ah, the usual suspects...
Gemma Challenger, of the Friends, Families and Travellers group, presented a petition of more than 5,000 signatures against the orders. She said: “This is ethnic cleansing. This is an attack on the gypsy way of life.
“Unless this is not overturned by the council this will be challenged through the courts at great cost to the council.”
It's about time it cost agitators like you an equal amount. Perhaps then you'd think twice.
Protesters caused disruption as they left the meeting and then tried to storm the town hall after security staff eventually locked them out. Sussex Police were also called to attend.
I wonder if they even bothered to arrest anyone?

For once, the council seems to have found a tiny piece of backbone:
Cllr Theobald said: “As far as I and my residents are concerned, this has nothing to do with specific groups or the homeless, it is to do with people driving up in very expensive motorcars and very expensive caravans and parking on cricket, rugby and football pitches. This council has already provided, at quite considerable cost, a transit site. I don’t think this council could do anything more to try and provide for everyone.”
Well, except for the other usual suspects, of cource:
Green convenor Phelim MacCafferty said existing by-laws would be better suited to tackle antisocial behaviour than “untested” new powers and said it was part of the city’s “raffish charm” to welcome all.
He said: “It is not a crime to be homeless, it is a fault of society.”
I wonder where he lives?

Surely If This Happened Today...

No criminal charges will be brought in the tragic case of a pensioner who died after being bitten by a police dog.
...their ARV colleagues would be obliged to gun down the beast immediately?
Irene Collins had allowed police into the garden of her home in Park End in Middlesbrough to search for a suspect as part of a drugs operation. The 73-year-old was then bitten by a German Shepherd, suffering arm and leg injuries. Mrs Collins was taken to Middesbrough ’s James Cook University Hospital where she died four days later.
You'd expect the police to be on a very sticky wicket here, wouldn't you?

Fear not! The CPS rides to the rescue!
The Crown Prosecution Service initially decided no criminal proceedings would be brought in relation to the July 2014 tragedy.
This decision was later reviewed following a request from Mrs Collins’ family.
Did they really think they'd succeed?
And in a statement issued today, a spokesman for the CPS said they had upheld that decision.
Did they give reasons?
“We considered bringing charges for gross negligence manslaughter, corporate manslaughter, misconduct in public office, breaches of the Dangerous Dogs Act and health and safety at work laws but concluded there remained insufficient evidence to provide a realistic prospect of conviction.
Really? None of those would fly? And you didn't feel that a jury ought to test that?
“As part of our review we consulted a senior independent barrister specialising in corporate crime and health and safety at work.”
I wonder who he was? Still, it must be nice to be untouchable, mustn't it?

Wednesday, 19 April 2017

That's It! That's The Magic Bullet!




Power placards! *slaps forehead* How did we miss that?

Gosh, how could we have ever thought only of the mundane stuff, like stop and search, locking up thugs and gangsters, and refusing to tolerate gang culture in the black community?
Mr Elwin’s widowed mother and five elder siblings had got together at the family home in Southfields just two days before he was killed to warn him he was mixing with the wrong crowd.
Too little, too late. And too many politicians and pundits seeking to make a nice living out of telling the black community it's not their fault.

It is. Sort out your 'community'. Or see it continue to fail.

H/T: @HappytobeTommy via Twitter