Friday, 24 February 2017

Ahhh, Those Benefits Of Diversity....

Nine defendants from Redditch appeared at Worcester Crown Court on Monday following two incidents of disorder in Mount Pleasant in Redditch at around 9pm on May 16 last year.
Five defendants appeared in the morning and four in the afternoon to keep the two feuding families apart. All nine admitted a section four public order offence.
It's like the Hatfields and McCoys, but with even less variation in the DNA...
Recorder Paul Bleasdale QC, sentencing, said: "There's plainly bad blood between the two teams. The root is some feud between your family and the other family involved in this disorder and you fell out over the running of the mosque."
He said he had 'no information' about what the feud involving the mosque was about and said he had 'reservations about the forthrightness and honesty' of the accounts given by all nine defendants.
A polite court officer way of saying 'A plague on both your houses!'.
He gave all nine defendants a conditional discharge for 18 months and ordered each to pay a £20 victim surcharge.
*speechless*

H/T: Robert Hale via email

TroutPout Is The New CompoFace!

Miss Omalley said: 'I looked like Pete Burns. It looked like there were two raw sausages tied together on my face.'
She added: 'I've never experienced anything like it. I thought I was stuck like that. She’d messed my whole face up.'
Wait, she has...?


"It's terrible" said Miss Omalley, speaking to our reporter yesterday
The mother-of-three had undergone lip fillers before but had never tried the at-home treatment. She paid for one session, believing the service looked 'professional'.
But she claimed the woman had poor hygiene and did not wear gloves or carry the needles in a sterile case. She also said she did not fully explain the consent form.
 If she'd undergone the procedure before, didn't she already know it?
Miss Omalley said her five-year-old daughter Lily was 'traumatised' by the incident and that she couldn't let her other children, 18-month-old Nellie and seven-month-old Tommy, near her mouth.
In case they fell in..?

Thursday, 23 February 2017

Not Really A Problem For These 'People', Is It?

Vet Catherine Henstridge said she had heard of such thefts but didn’t believe thieves could be so cruel, adding: ‘I thought it was an urban myth. The chips are tiny – almost impossible to find just by feeling. Then you have the problem of removing it. You’d have to keep the dog still. It would be extraordinarily cruel.
Not a problem for a certain demographic that the RSPCA rarely touch.
Kent police said Isla was seized during the execution of an ‘unrelated theft warrant’, although no arrests had been made.
Of course they weren't...

H/T: Ted Treen via email

Good Luck Getting The Money...

Noreen Chambers, of Burlington Road, Thornton Heath, failed to attend Camberwell Green Magistrates Court on January 12 and a sentence was passed in her absence.
She was ordered to pay more than £3,500 due to the mountain of waste that had been building up and spilling out into the road outside her home since October 2015.
They shouldn't have been surprised at her non-attendance, mind you...
The local authority issued her with a Community Protection Warning in November 2015, requiring her to clear up the mess by December.
In February last year, when she had still failed to reply or to clean up the rubbish, which was still accumulating, and the council served a community protection notice on the property.
Following this Ms Chambers did contact the council to request an extension allowing her until March to clear the site, which was granted. But she still failed to take any action to clear the site and officers confirmed through visits to the property that not only was rubbish still heaped in the garden, it was now spilling out onto the pavement and the kerb.
In April she failed to attend an interview with the council and after efforts to engage with her and resolve the issue informally, Croydon Council commenced legal proceedings.
Chances of ever seeing a penny? Slim to none.

Wednesday, 22 February 2017

When 'Your Very Best' Just Ain't Good Enough...

Blackburn magistrates heard Dawn Greenhalgh gave a roadside breathalyser reading nearly three times the legal limit but then failed to provide a further sample at the police station.
Greenhalgh, of Whalley New Road, Blackburn, pleaded guilty to failing to provide a specimen for analysis and driving without insurance.
She was made subject to a community order for 12 months with 40 hours’ unpaid work and a condition of attendance on the drink impaired driver’s programme and ordered to pay £85 costs and £85 victim surcharge.
Hmmmm.....
She was banned from driving for 36 months after the magistrates were told it was her second drink-related conviction within 10 years.
The second time she'd been caught, they mean.
Richard Prew, defending, said Greenhalgh had been at her uncle’s wake and had then made the foolish decision to drive away when a fight broke out.
Well, we know how violent they can be, don't we?
“She says she did try her very best to provide a sample but she was very upset and it didn’t happen,” said Mr Prew.
Right, right...
Tracey Yates, prosecuting, said when police arrived in Barton Street, Greenhalgh initially denied being the driver of a Renault Clio which had crashed into a parked Mercedes.
“A group of males came out of a nearby building and they identified her as the driver,” said Mrs Yates.
“The officer also recovered a parking ticket from her handbag which related to the Clio at which point she admitted being the owner and driver of the car.”
They really do only catch the thick ones, don't they?

I Blame The Parents Pt 2484725589

An eight-year-old boy ran away from home with his mum’s bank card before duping phone shop staff into selling him three mobiles.
The little scallywag!
Joshua, who has autism, was eventually found and returned home by police – but not before treating himself to a McDonald’s and a new pair of shoes from Deichmann.
Boy, I bet he's in for a thrashing when...

Oh. Of course not. It's not his fault, the poor little lamb!
His mum, Kimberley, who has six other children aged between two and 17, has questioned why a boy so young was served while shopping alone.
“They didn’t ask ‘where’s your mum?’ or think to call the police to say there was a boy on his own,” she said.
“They sold him three phones and SIM cards after he gave them a sob story. He said ‘one is for my mum, one for my girlfriend and one for me’.”
It's probably not the first time they've heard that, is it?
Kimberley said Joshua had run away from their four-bedroom home in Priest Avenue before, and she had now removed the handles of some windows to stop him getting out.
Ummm, fire safety..? No? OK then.
Kimberley says Joshua is due to be re-assessed for ADHD in the hope he can get medication.
“Once I can get him sorted out it will make the household more manageable,” she said.
I can think of other things that might make your household 'more manageable'...

Tuesday, 21 February 2017

Surely A Genuinely Classy Establishment...?

Praba Banqueting Suite remained cordoned off behind police tape last night as officers guarded the door while investigations continued inside.
A notice at the entrance to the 550-capacity venue, which advertises itself as “one of London’s classiest banqueting” locations, reads: “No drugs, guns, knives or weapons allowed on premises.”
...wouldn't need such a sign?

Remind Me Again What We Pay Them For..?

Sophie Tancos, 32, was out with her nine-year-old son Abrish and their puppy Rio on Saturday, January 21 when they were attacked.
Lindsay Scigliano, a friend of Sophie, said: There was one man on a bike with staffies. The guy was listening to music and smoking a joint.
“He was attacked and carried off in the mouth of a dog in front of his owner and her nine-year-old son as well as many fellow dog walkers and died in the mouth of the dog in question.
“Despite a crowd of people trying to save Rio from the dog, we were unable to get the dog to release him.”
Charming.
Ms Tancos claimed the dog's owner tried to flee the scene as members of the public remonstrated with him.
Typical. No doubt if anyone had tried a citizen's arrest, the cops would have been there in a jiffy to arrest them.
She explained: 'The man was arguing it wasn't his responsibility, the police have two photos of him, there have been 1,500 retweets by the community.
'This is such a big issue. It is the responsibility of owners to control their dogs, something has to be done.
'We are having a really hard time with the police, we have given them two clear pictures of his face, but nothing has happened, we've had to do a lot of it ourselves. '
Well, imagine my shocked face!
A Met Police spokesman said: 'Police were called shortly after 3pm on Saturday, January 21, to reports of a dog having attacked another dog in Crystal Palace Park.
'Officers attended and have since been informed that the dog has died.'
What? The dog died at the scene? If you'd really attended, wouldn't you have known that?
'There have been no arrests and inquiries continue.'
Whose inquiries...? Probably not yours.

Monday, 20 February 2017

Not As 'Damaged' As We'd All Have Liked...

Mills' defence barrister, Ian Wilkinson, said the teenager was an "extremely damaged man", with his background being from the travelling community.
...but maybe his fellow inmates will remedy this, post-haste.
“The only way he can make amends is to lead a law abiding life, and not behave in such an appalling way in the future."
Odds? Close to zero.
The court heard no names of others who were involved in the shooting of the cats.
No parole until he names them.

H/T: Dick Puddlecote via Twitter

I Don't Think You're Achieving Much...

Next term, the 20 existing patrollers will not return to work, Barking and Dagenham council leader Darren Rodwell confirmed on Thursday.
The £165,000-a-year annual service would be over at the “end of March”, he said.
“We want the service to be delivered, we just can’t afford to pay for it,” he said.
And another Baby Seal looks up trustingly as the club descends...
Pat Fredericks, 69, has worked as a lollipop lady at Ripple Primary School for 37 years.
“I think it’s a big shame,” said Pat, who has received no official notification that the service will end.
“We aren’t just stopping the cars, we also educate the children on how to cross. It will be very dangerous without us.”
I often drive through Dagenham and I have to say, you're doing a pretty lousy job, if the number of kids blithely walking out in front of me without looking is anything to go by...